What's wrong with this picture?

Every person in every relationship has certain roles that they fulfill either consciously or unconsciously. These encompass both personality attributes as well as tasks performed. These roles can be a source of comfort. In an ever changing and chaotic world, predictability in one's home can be a good thing.

Or, to put in another way, when my world has been turned on its ear, it's reassuring to know that I can still count on the fact that as long as Jeremy lives and breathes, I will never have to take out the garbage.

Prescribed roles and personal rituals might be the one thing that secures my hold on sanity during this period of dishevelment and upheaval. So, imagine my chagrin as Jeremy has single-handedly decided to change the rules of our marital game over the past few days. In our relationship, my role has always been that of the go-getter. I am the one who concocts the ideas for the life-changing scenarios, then goes balls to the wall to make them happen in record time. While the rest of the world bemoans about how they hate to move, for example, I can categorize, list stuff on Craig's List, box, pack and load faster than you can say "U-Haul." Next!

Jeremy's job is to shake his head in amusement at my ideas for adventure but then ultimately come on board for a good time to be had by all. When the process of bringing the concept into reality begins, I am the fast one, the leaper, the let's-get-it-done-and-relax later person. Jeremy takes a more languorous approach. It's not that he's not into the spirit of things, it's just that he--as does the rest of the world--tends to move a bit slower than my warp speed. It's a problem sometimes. I bite my tongue when he takes a dog's age to get something accomplished. He keeps his lips sealed as I flutter about "in that way I have."

It works for us (most of the time).

In spite of the irritation we sometimes feel with each other's speediness (or lack thereof), it has come to define who we are. We've not only adjusted accordingly, we've learned to embrace our differences. When we are piled into the car and realize we've forgotten the cell phone, it's assumed that it will be me who dashes in to retrieve it. It's just easier than drumming my fingers impatiently on the wheel, while Jeremy maneuvers his 6'3" body out of the car, lumbers into the house, hunts around for the phone, goes to the bathroom, blows his nose, stops to watch an episode of Jeopardy, grabs a snack, reads War and Peace and then eventually emerges without the cell phone. In a fraction of that amount of time, I'd be in, out and halfway to our destination. Conversely, if something needs to be researched before making a decision, then Jeremy is the go-to guy in the relationship. He'll spend days or weeks checking out every resource imaginable and then present a full report, complete with editorial comments.

I am the hare, he is the tortoise and we like it that way. 

How can I say goodbye?

But, I gotta tell ya, something has gone horribly awry in the normalcy department. The last week has been for me, a daily series of false starts, laments and frustrations, whereas my husband has been Craig's-listing, moving out and eliminating his stuff with a joie de vivre that is usually...well... MY personal style. I, who have been the spokesperson for living a life of simplicity and non-attachment to stuff stood in the kitchen and cried (and I mean that quite literally) over the prospect of having to sell my antique postal-boxes-converted-to-a-storage-bin that I just LOVE. It is I who has picked up items over and over again during the past three days, only to move them to another part of the house to deal with "later." (Note that there is virtually no "later" as estate sale is to be held in three days!)

Jeremy even sold his favorite chair--the ugly one that I hated and he always claimed he'd take to his grave. And now, sweet Jesus in the morning, he's listed all his camera gear on Ebay. WTF!!! There is something very wrong with this picture.  When I fake-casually mentioned that his unprecedented zeal is ummm......"different," he responded, "it's just stuff," followed by, "Anything you need at Home Depot? I'm making a quick trip to pick up hang tags for the estate sale."

It's just stuff! Running out the door for a "quick trip?" Who is this alien creature and where did my husband get off to???

My style has been like yesterday's example. I begin going through paper files to see what can be tossed, what can be scanned and what originals need to be kept. After a few minutes, I come across our tax folders. Realizing I should file our 2010 taxes before we hightail it out of here, I flit over to the computer, praying to the tax gods that we won't owe much. My piles of papers litter the floor behind me, but I'll get back to them "later." I work on the taxes, stopping occasionally to deal with a Lyssabeth's issue. About halfway through Schedule C, I recall that I had wanted to make some homemade yogurt, so out to the kitchen went I. Back to the taxes 30 minutes later, stop for lunch, check Facebook (while I eat so it doesn't count), finish taxes, make phone calls to clients, call my son-in-law to ask which Ipod I should buy, call daughter to see if she wants our television set, call other daughter to see if she wants my sewing machine. Lament to both girls about how frustrated I am that I can't get anything accomplished and Jeremy is making me look bad. Get up from chair, trip over pile of papers on the floor.

At least I didn't cry. And I did get the taxes done. And we only owe a couple hundred dollars.

I guess it's good for couples to exchange roles for a while--see how the other half lives, so to speak. I'm not sure what the deeper meaning of all this is, but at least one of us is getting stuff accomplished.

Hmmm...maybe I should call one of my daughters and talk about if for a while...


Maureen Thomson and Jeremy Myers are a husband and wife team offering professional housesitting services worldwide. Visit our HouseSitting Couple website for more information.