If only I had the answers to life's tough questions

I'm used to not having answers to some of life's more basic questions. The toughest one for me to date has been the "What do you do?" query. Not only am I am a wedding officiant (a "job" that many have never heard of outside of traditional clergy or judicial officers) but I've put together a wedding officiating business with a large group of officiants under one umbrella. This is pretty unusual and is not conducive to a short response when asked "what do you do?"

If I say, "I am a wedding officiant," not only is it an incomplete truth, but I inevitably get a response of, "Oh, you're a wedding planner! How fun--you must like planning parties." Or (and this one is always accompanied by a puzzled look, "You mean you're a minister?" Either way, I'm often stuck with the choice of offering a long explanation or a mumbled--"Sure--that's it."

Neither of these responses is very satisfying, but it's a small price to pay for loving the work I do. In moments of impishness, I sometimes answer the question by saying, "I marry people for money," which always gets me a bemused look (usually as the person backs up a step or two).

But now that I've embraced a location-independent lifestyle, I find myself faced with a new not-easily-answered question.

"Where are you from?"

Such a simple query, on the surface at least. And to the uninspired, there is no comprehension as to why it should be a difficult one to answer. Where do I lay my head at night? Where is my home? In what city do I reside?

In truth, my options at the moment would be along the lines of, "I dunno," "I don't have one," or "It depends."

It appears to be a fundamental premise of living in the U.S. that one has a job and a home. If not, then all kinds of negative connotations are associated with the alternatives.  Homeless and unemployed are not exactly life statuses to which most folks aspire.

But here I sit--embracing both of those and no, I don't live with my parents or my adult children, nor do I have a trust fund to cover my daily needs. I am not down and out, down on my luck, downcast or down in the dumps. I do, however, hope to be "down under" before the end of the year as we've already secured two housesits in Australia! I've also downsized, but voluntarily and joyfully so. I am also not upside down on any mortgages, credit cards or other loans because I don't have any.

(Sorry for the digression. I got downright carried away!)

I have three places where my heart feels I am from: Rhode Island (where I was born and raised), Vermont, where I brought up my children and which is undoubtedly the most beautiful place on earth in the autumn, and Colorado, where I lived for 15 years and where my kids and grandkids still reside. But if I tell people I am "from" any of these places, they will assume that I still live there. Besides, that doesn't exactly give an accurate picture, when I can be in New Mexico one month and Ireland the next.

Perhaps when I am out of the country, I can tell people I am "from" the U.S. and that will suffice? However, what is a location independent person to tell people when she is in her own (quite large) country? It can't be "I am permanently traveling," as that inevitably elicits the response of, "Oh, what kind of RV do you have?" which ranks right up there with, "Oh, so you're a minister?" and makes me want to run screaming for the door...if I had one, that is.

And it doesn't help that many people inevitably ascribe stereotypical attributes to people from certain regions of the country. Vermonters are rural-dwelling tree-huggers who love the simple life, Rhode Islanders tawk funny (well, that one happens to be true in my case), Oregonians know about rain, Southerners are rednecks, New Yorkers are brash, Coloradans love to ski, mid-Westerners are boring and predictable, Alaskans kill bears in their leisure time, etc. Enough already! The minute I do tell people where I'm from, they will immediately associate me with a characteristic that more than likely won't be accurate.

So I am open to suggestions on how to answer this query. It's gotta be short and pithy. I can't tolerate (nor, undoubtedly, can the listener) a long drawn out explanation of my Happily Homeless lifestyle. And nothing too touchy feely, either. I'm not about to respond by saying things like, "My home is where my friends are and they are all over the world," or "I reside in my husband's heart." These may be true, but we're not going there. "I live a location-independent lifestyle," sounds haughty and "I'm Happily Homeless," too cutesy. "I'm a nomad," conjures up images of camel treks across the desert and I'm way too fair-skinned for that.

I need a haikuesque-type response that conveys my current (lack of) living arrangement and since I've not managed to come up with one for my career, I figure the odds aren't good that I can produce something witty for this aspect of my life either. Anybody have any suggestions?


Maureen Thomson and Jeremy Myers are a husband and wife team offering professional housesitting services worldwide. Visit our HouseSitting Couple website for more information.